A New Beginning 2023

 Something new, something exciting, that's what the new year should be. Oddly I found myself laying on my bed feeling rather depressed as I watched the minutes tick away till midnight. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just didn't want 2022 to end and 2023 to begin.

 This past year has been quite long and hard, but yet at the same time the year has flown by, much too fast. I had thought I'd be excited and hopeful at what this new year would bring but I wasn't.

I thought about the plans and goals for this past year that never happened, I felt like I had failed, my plans hadn't followed my timeline and all because this past year hadn't been what it was supposed to be. Or had it? Definitely not what I had planned for, nor what I assume anyone would.

Last January was where the difficult, painful year started; I didn't want another January yet! It was the beginning of last year.

But that was last January and not this January. This time is a new January and a new beginning. And I'm a different person than I was last January.

As I lay here thinking about it, I realize that this past year may not have been what I wanted or planned, things might not have followed my timeline, my goals didn't happen the way they were supposed to. But this year has made me a stronger and better person. These things were what I needed to go through to get me to where I am today. God had a plan through it all and His plan is perfect. God has a different timeline than I do, maybe it was a year to soon, maybe I wasn't ready or maybe the world wasn't ready yet. I didn't want my goals as badly as I do now, not enough to follow through or get through them. I wasn't ready.

I keep thinking about this past year and wondering if I could go back and change anything would I? What would I change? What would I do different? And what would I leave the same?

But if I changed things, if I did things differently who would I be? Everything that has happened has made me who I am today. I'd be a different me if I could change things. The friends I have in my life I may never have met, I would not have the same life experiences that have allowed me to grow. I would not have come so far. 

Upon thinking about it why would I change anything? If we could just go back and change something none of us would go through hard things, we would never grow and become who we are meant to be, we would never reach our full potential. We wouldn't even get close.

What we go through makes us who we are, what you go through, all of your experiences make you, you. Mine make me, me.

This past year wasn't all bad either, there was some good, it's just been the hardest year of my life.

This past year has taught me that it's okay to not be okay, it's okay to cry, you don't have to be strong all the time. You don't have to hold everything in and change is important for growth. 

I believe 2023 is going to be a good year! I am ready and I'm looking forward to a new start and a year of great things to be discovered.

My plans and goals are more simple than I normally make. I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew and then feeling like I failed when I don't accomplish what I wanted. This year I hope to finish my GED, get my permit, learn to drive and get my license. I want to be more consistent with my writing in both my blog and the book I'm writing. I want to learn to rely on God more and lean into Him in the hard times. I want to learn to trust Him in all things and be willing to do His will without arguing about it. I have a habit of saying no for a long time before I say yes. I don't want to do that anymore, I want to have more faith and follow where He leads. This past year has shown me that I can trust my God and He knows best so now it's time for me to lean into that and to learn to fully trust and follow Him.

So here's to a new beginning, a new start, a start to great things and to following the path that God has for each one of us this year!

Many blessings and Happy New Year 2023!

Much love,

Esther